Y HOME-COMING 


A Convert’s  Story 


By 

INGEBORG  MAGNUSSEN 

(Translated  from  the  Norwegian  by  F.  H.  Barclay) 


New  York 

THE  PAULIST  PRESS 
401  West  59th  Street 


Copyright,  1915,  by  “The  Missionary  Society  of 
St.  Paul  the  Apostle  in  the  State 
of  New  York  ” 


My  Home-Coming 

T the  request  of  my  friends,  I am  delighted  to 
make  the  following  confession,  in  which  I 
briefly  explain  the  ways  and  considerations 
which  brought  me  home  to  the  Mother 

Church : 

In  childhood  I received  a strict  religious  training  in  the 
Evangelical  Lutheran  confession.  Holy  Scripture  was 
to  me  always  God’s  revealed  word,  which  I never 
doubted,  by  which  I shaped  my  thoughts  and  acts  ac- 
cording to  my  best  understanding  of  it.  I considered 
myself  on  the  only  right  ground.  If  one  point  or  another 
of  Lutheran  teaching  was  not  quite  clear  to  me,  I blamed 
only  myself,  seeing  in  my  difficulties  secrets  of  faith 
which  surely  God  would  make  plain  in  His  own  good 
time.  For  half  a century  I knew  the  Christian  life  ex- 
clusively among  Protestants  who  believed  in  Christ,  loved 
Christ,  and  who  were  faithfully  devoted  to  Christ,  and 
with  whom  I was  one,  heart  and  soul.  And  all  who 
knew  me,  knew  that  my  standpoint  was  opposed  to  the 
Catholic  Church. 

The  picture  I had  formed  of  the  Catholic  Church, 
through  clerical  and  historic  instruction,  and  personal  ob- 
servation was  fixed;  I never  for  a moment  doubted  that 
it  was  correct  in  every  way.  The  Catholic  Church  was 
to  me  a horrible  caricature  of  Christ’s  teaching:  full 
of  misunderstanding  of  the  Gospel,  full  of  priestly  adul- 
terations, full  of  moral  ambiguities,  full  of  abuse  of  holy 
privileges,  full  of  greed  and  pomp  on  one  side,  lacking  in 
the  instruction  and  training  of  the  people  on  the  other, 


4 


My  Home-Coming 


with  much  evil  everywhere.  These  things  did  not  seem 
to  me  as  an  abnormal  growth  on  a healthy  organism. 
They  proved  convincingly  that  the  Catholic  Christianity 
was  unsound,  root  and  branch.  Everything  Catholic  I 
consequently  regarded  with  suspicion,  and  inwardly  re- 
sisted. The  blood  went  to  my  head  when  I thought  of 
the  terrible  wars  of  religion ; the  battles  for  the  faith  of 
earlier  days,  of  which  I so  often  heard.  I never  put  my 
foot  in  a Catholic  Church,  except  to  admire  the  art  there, 
and  even  then  not  without  inward  protest  against  the 
ruling  spirit  dominant  in  these  buildings.  I could  not, 
however,  help  admire  the  splendor  and  beauty  which 
unfolded  itself  in  the  Church  worship  and  art.  The 
music  thrilled  me,  but  great  was  my  protest  that  all  this 
should  be  in  the  service  of  that  miserable  principle  which 
put  the  visible  above  the  invisible,  power  against  con- 
science, men  in  place  of  God.  My  innermost  soul  re- 
belled against  the  traffic  to  defraud  credulous  people  of 
eternal  salvation  as  far  as  it  was  possible  for  men  to  do 
so,  under  the  blasphemous  title  of  “ the  one  saving 
Church.”  To  permit  a pope  or  other  lord  of  con- 
science to  judge  between  God  and  myself  as  to  right 
and  wrong,  seemed  to  me  a sin  of  conscious  apostasy 
from  God  and  from  the  sources  of  revelation  then  known 
to  me.  With  God  alone  I went  to  school.  With  Him 
alone  I would  stand  or  fall. 

My  intercourse  with  simple  Catholics  was  marked  with 
reserve.  I took  pains  not  to  disturb  their  ignorant  belief 
with  our  Lutheran  teaching,  which  seemed  to  me  far 
more  profound  and  spiritual.  I was  certain  that  Cath- 
olics with  their  limitations,  were  in  no  condition  to  grasp 
it.  I pitied  their  confidence  in  the  priest's  blessing,  in 
priestly  ordination,  in  the  power  of  consecrated  things. 


My  Home-Coming 


5 


and  in  the  virtue  of  pilgrimages,  and  I grieved  deeply 
when  a fisherman’s  innocent  daughter,  named  Bridget, 
told  us  with  piety  and  earnestness  that  on  Easter  morning 
she  and  many  others  had  undertaken  a pilgrimage  bare- 
foot to  the  mountain  of  Ireland.  The  Pope  had  accorded 
these  pilgrims  a plenary  indulgence.  The  poor  thing! 
I thought,  from  whence  has  this  man  power  and  author- 
ity to  do  such  a thing?  The  faithful  Jesus , however,  will 
help  thee,  hungry,  thirsty  soul,  in  spite  of  these  human 
inventions.  He  will  extinguish  thy  guilt,  but  only  by  His 
own  holy  Word. 

Yet  I must  remark,  that  during  the  forty-five  years  I 
attended  regularly  the  preaching  of  the  word  of  God 
from  our  own  pulpits,  I heard  no  hateful  word,  with  one 
exception,  said  against  Rome.  On  the  contrary,  the 
Catholic  Church  was  often  called  the  sister  Church. 
When  I found  something  Catholic  which  my  conscience 
before  God  could  accept,  I was  heartily  grateful.  My 
church  choir  in  the  north  often  sung  old  Catholic  music, 
as  far  as  it  could  be  adapted  to  our  service.  I valued 
much  some  legends  of  saints,  although  regarding  them  as 
wonderful,  edifying  inventions.  In  our  folk  hymns  and 
folk  art  I found  heart  tones  of  crystal  purity,  heart  tones 
which  had  their  root  in  old  Catholic  mother  ground. 
From  childhood  I was  particularly  familiar  with  the  old 
crusading  hymn:  “Most  Beautiful  Lord  Jesus.”  Occa- 
sionally I ventured,  with  profound  emotion,  to  sing  the 
solemn  finishing  verse : “Thou  art  verily  always  present  in 
the  Most  Holy  Sacrament.”  My  friend,  a Waldensian, 
Professor  Revel  in  Florence,  once  heard  me,  and  said  sor- 
rowfully as  a warning:  “....But  this  is  Catholic!” 

This  single  word  was  and  continued  to  be  always  de- 
ceive. It  never  occurred  to  me  that  the  Catholic  view, 


6 My  Home-Coming 

which  I saw  always  from  the  wrong  side,  had  a genuine 
and  right  side  too. 

I presume  everybody  has  looked  first  at  a Gothic 
stained-glass  window  from  the  outside,  with  its  black- 
looking confused  lines  conveying  nothing  to  the  mind. 
Then,  stepping  inside  the  church,  he  has  seen  the  same 
window  from  within  transformed  by  light,  and  was 
stirred  to  his  depths  by  its  indescribable  beauty  and  har- 
mony of  color.  No  more  contradiction,  no  more  confu- 
sion! Everything  fits  perfectly,  one  part  into  another, 
presenting  to  the  eye  a clear  and  perfect  picture.  This 
optical  phenomenon  is  a faint  index  of  what  my  soul 
experienced  psychologically , when  at  last  with  good  will  I 
considered  from  within  the  Church  which  so  long  I had 
seen  only  from  without. 

The  first  occasion  seemed  of  slight  importance.  The 
words  of  Jesus  (Matt.  xvi.  18,  19)  : “ And  I say  to  thee: 
That  thou  art  Peter;  and  upon  this  rock  I will  build 
my  Church,  and  the  gates  of  hell  shall  not  prevail  against 
it.  And  I will  give  to  thee  the  keys  of  the  kingdom  of 
heaven.  And  whatsoever  thou  shalt  bind  upon  earth, 
it  shall  be  bound  also  in  heaven : and  whatsoever  thou 
shalt  loose  on  earth,  it  shall  be  loosed  also  in  heaven,” 
suddenly  penetrated  me  with  the  whole  force  of  their 
clear  meaning.  I was  startled,  and  astonished  and  said 
to  myself:  “ How  curious,  when  Jesus  so  plainly  says  it! 
but  it  cannot  be  true!  ” Yet  my  astonishment  continued. 
Unexpectedly  this  impression  was  intensified  by  a curi- 
ous incident.  The  evening  of  the  same  day  a country- 
man of  mine,  an  artist  who  had  been  very  intimate  at 
our  house,  announced  his  conversion  to  the  Catholic 
Church.  For  the  second  time  I found  myself  obliged  to 
value  someone  highly  both  professionally  and  as  a man, 


My  Home-Coming  7 

in  spite  of  his  being  a Catholic.  The  first  occasion  was 
when  we  entertained  as  our  guest  a member  of  Parlia- 
ment, Peter  Reichensperger,  who  was  a great  politician,  a 
sincere  Christian,  and  a convinced,  faithful  Catholic.  We 
received  him  as  an  unknown  quantity,  a psychological 
puzzle  we  Protestants  could  not  understand,  and  left 
him  in  the  hands  of  God.  We  reasoned  somewhat  thus 
about  these  cases : Reichensperger  having  been  born  and 
raised  in  the  Catholic  religion  and  in  the  traditions  of  his 
family,  his  belief  was  strong  in  him ; for  it  is  remarkable 
what  filial  piety  is  capable  of  in  noble  characters.  But 
that  a thinking,  conscientious  adult,  not  bound  by  family 
traditions,  of  his  own  free  will  and  inclination,  should  be- 
come a convert,  a Catholic ! this  was  a phenomenon  we 
never  could  understand.  At  best  it  was  like  a man  who 
again  deliberately  puts  on  his  shoes  of  childhood. 

From  that  day,  however,  I could  not  rid  myself  of  an 
inward  warning  voice,  which  at  times  became  stronger; 
a voice  which  said  to  me  again  and  again:  If  thou 
wouldst  have  peace  study  more  perfectly  than  hitherto 
the  original  Christian  Church , from  which  all  later  Chris- 
tian societies  have  sprung. 

At  last  I resolved  to  test  the  teaching  of  the  original 
Church  at  the  root,  Bible  in  hand.  And  I began  my 
study  with  a holy  and  profound  earnestness.  I read  and 
looked  Catholic  teaching  straight  in  the  eye  in  Catholic 
dogmatic  works.  But  I did  it  as  a full-blooded  Protes- 
tant. I felt  myself  so  secure  in  the  conscious  possession 
of  the  whole  of  evangelical  Christianity,  that  I flattered 
myself  with  the  hope  that  I could  win  over  sincere 
Catholics. 

Little  by  little  I penetrated  deeper  into  the  organism 
of  the  Catholic  Church.  My  view  widened,  and  I looked 


8 


My  Home-Coming 


out  over  glorious  vistas  of  which  formerly  I had  no  idea. 
At  times  I became  timid  and  anxious,  and  refused  to 
yield  myself  to  the  power  of  the  truth  when  I found 
what  I would  not,  or  rather,  dared  not  find.  But  after 
the  lapse  of  some  months,  after  continued  earnest  studies 
I had  to  acknowledge  the  truth.  It  was  really  so ; I had 
discovered  a new  world  of  positive  Christianity.  New 
saving  truths  stood  clear  before  me,  so  clear  that  all  I 
had  read  and  gathered  formerly,  except  the  Holy  Scrip- 
ture, faded  and  dwindled  before  my  eyes. 

Twist  as  I would,  it  was  of  no  use:  everywhere  some- 
thing whole,  something  complete  confronted  me,  not 
merely  piecework,  not  a few  dead  precepts,  but  clearly 
founded  upon  the  Gospel.  It  was  a structure  of 
teaching  perfectly  fitted  together,  clear  in  spirit.  A 
building  so  unified,  so  honest  and  simple,  yet  so  magnifi- 
cently planned,  that  its  simple  unity  and  greatness  of  plan 
stood  before  me  as  compelling  witnesses  of  its  divine 
origin.  There  was  absolutely  no  ambiguous  turning  aside 
from  the  truth,  no  minimizing  of  the  goal,  as  I had  ex- 
pected, but  in  all  things  Jesus  everywhere  the  foundation, 
Jesus  everywhere  the  authority.  The  Catholic  catechism, 
exact,  complete,  contrary  to  my  former  ideas,  contained 
the  key  to  everything.  The  Bible  was  woven  through  the 
sacraments  and  doctrine,  conserved,  defended  and  guarded 
as  the  apple  of  the  eye  of  faith,  in  a living  Church. 

This  discovery  impressed  me.  I was  no  longer  satisfied 
with  books  alone.  I wished  by  personal  observation  to 
learn  the  practical  life  in  the  Catholic  Church.  This  side 
of  the  matter  I also  undertook  in  holy  earnest,  beseeching 
and  praying  God  for  light  upon  the  whole  difficult  prob- 
lem. 

I had  the  opportunity  to  be  present  at  Catholic  services 


My  Home-Coming 


9 


in  Bavaria,  Austria,  Italy  and  Switzerland,  Baden  and 
Wurtemberg.  Unhindered  and  unobserved  I saw  Cath- 
olic priests  and  laity,  now  alone,  now  together  with 
others.  Everywhere  the  devotion  of  the  clergy  and  the 
participation  of  the  congregation  was  genuine  and  blame- 
less, and  one  and  the  same  spirit  prevailed  through  the 
whole  service.  The  services  began  at  daybreak  while  the 
world  still  slept.  On  Sundays  the  big  churches  were  con- 
tinually filled  from  five  o’clock  in  the  morning  until  noon, 
and  in  the  afternoon  I could  again  watch  the  same  glor- 
ious spectacle  until  night.  This  constant  stream  to  the 
churches,  so  evidently  a most  natural  thing,  this  great, 
quiet  throng,  was  it  only  outward  hypocrisy  and  decep- 
tion? Could  a blind,  defrauded  people  march  so  firmly, 
so  happily,  so  heartily  around  the  Lamb  of  God?  No, 
no,  I breathed  an  air  of  home,  and  it  aroused  in  me 
memories  of  solemn  and  hearty  alliance,  mission,  and 
sanctification  meetings  with  my  brethren  of  the  faith  in 
Germany,  France  and  England.  In  my  inmost  soul  I had 
to  acknowledge  this  too  as  genuinely  Christian  and  hu- 
man, and  so  welcome  it. 

Likewise  I learned  to  know  people  in  holy  orders  of 
different  nationalities.  I had  the  opportunity  to  converse 
with  them  of  Jesus,  of  the  Bible,  of  the  Church.  They 
were  familiar  with  everything.  They  stood  on  deep,  firm 
ground.  They  were  ripe  in  God.  They  were  charitable 
in  deed,  and  spoke  with  heartfelt  love  of  “ the  separated 
brethren.”  Yet  immovable  in  one  thing:  the  doctrines 
of  faith ; their  unity  was  astonishing. 

Moreover,  I saw  at  close  range  and  in  full  activity  the 
intercourse  between  priests  and  people,  which  we  had  re- 
garded with  so  much  suspicion.  For  hours  I witnessed 
the  heartiest  and  most  profound  devotion  before  the  con- 


io  My  Home-Coming 

fessionals.  Frequently  I was  present  at  the  warm  im- 
pressive instructions  of  the  priests,  the  spontaneous  folk 
songs  and  pious  devotion  of  the  Holy  Way  of  the  Cross 
in  commemoration  of  the  Passion  of  Jesus.  All  my 
observations  could  detect  nothing  unsound.  Notice 
this  Catholic  life  where  I would,  anywhere  and  every- 
where, consider  it,  now  from  one  side,  now  from  the 
other — always  and  everywhere  I had  to  say  to  myself : 
This  cannot  be  wrong;  this  evidently  is  built  on  a solid 
foundation;  this  cannot  be  ignorance;  this  must  rest  on 
true  Christian  humility ; this  cannot  be  an  illusion  of  the 
senses,  it  must  rest  on  purity  of  soul  and  piety. 

Human  frailty  there  was  of  course,  but  it  could  not 
outweigh  the  strongly  positive  good.  My  studies,  my 
observation  led  more  and  more  to  this  result : Here  was 
not  a decadent  rotten  tree,  ready  to  fall,  here  was  life  and 
fresh  growth  under  the  care  of  God.  Here  I saw  a true 
building  of  salvation,  a Church,  visible  in  her  organiza- 
tion, although  with  a mystic  body,  which  was  the  life 
principle  of  the  whole,  conveying  life  to  all  its  members: 
and  all  the  members  together  formed  a living  and  contin- 
uous mutual  society,  one  acting  with  and  for  the  other 
in  a way  until  then  entirely  unknown  to  me.  They  had 
a spiritual  good  in  common  that  stretched  far  beyond  the 
boundaries  of  time.  The  militant  Church  on  earth  cul- 
tivated familiar  intercourse  with  the  triumphant  Church 
in  heaven  as  well  as  with  the  suffering  Church,  those 
poor  souls  in  the  place  of  purification  who  were  never 
forgotten.  The  people  prayed  for  them,  the  people  fasted 
for  them.  What  glorious  exercises  of  love!  Everyone’s 
endeavor  was  to  gain  and  obtain  God’s  gifts  of  grace, 
not  for  himself  alone, but  for  all  the  others  in  the  bargain! 
For  those  who  on  the  other  side  of  the  grave  need 


My  Home-Coming 


ii 


mercy,  for  the  whole  living  body  which  is  called  the 
Church.  This  fabric  of  love  beautiful  as  heaven,  knit- 
ting together  all  the  members  on  earth,  in  heaven  and  in 
purgatory,  into  a living  common  body,  the  communion  of 
saints,  was  to  me  the  first  plain  mark,  that  in  fact  such  c 
Church  exists  on  earth,  a Church  which  is  the  spouse  of 
Christ,  and  which  imitates  the  life  of  her  heavenly  Bride- 
groom even  unto  His  bitter  suffering.  Now  it  became 
clear  to  me  that  the  whole  tradition  of  the  Church  rested 
precisely  on  this  basis,  and  realized  the  words  of  the 
Apostles.  In  this  light  the  words  of  St.  Paul,  hitherto 
so  obscure  to  me,  appeared  clear  and  full  of  meaning; 
“ I now  rejoice  in  my  sufferings  for  you,  and  fill  up 
those  things  that  are  wanting  of  the  sufferings  of  Christ 
in  my  flesh  for  His  body,  which  is  the  Church ” (Col.  i. 
24). 

It  also  did  not  escape  my  notice  that  Jesus  throughout 
the  centuries,  according  to  His  promise,  has  communi- 
cated Himself  to  members  of  this  Church,  and  in  super- 
natural ways,  unknown,  as  far  as  I know,  to  even  the 
most  favored  of  His  Protestant  confessors.  To  doubt 
this  one  must  believe  the  Catholic  narrations  of  all  times 
and  countries  for  the  past  nineteen  hundred  years  to 
have  been  a tissue  of  lies,  and  that  is  impossible.  More- 
over, the  constantly  recurring  supernatural  events  in  the 
lives  of  Catholic  saints  are  no  more  than  the  literal  con- 
firmation and  fulfillment  of  Our  Lord's  words  (Matt, 
xxviii.  18-20,  Mark  xvi.  17,  18,  John  xiv.  12).  It  was  and 
is  the  living  continuation  of  the  Acts  of  the  Apostles , 
the  history  of  the  early  Apostolic  Church. 

The  Bible  itself,  my  dear  Bible,  upon  which  I had 
fed  all  the  days  of  my  life,  gained  a new  and  constantly 
increasing  light  by  my  study  of  the  life  of  the  Church, 


12 


My  Home-Coming 


an  i still  more  by  my  study  of  the  doctrine  of  the 
Church.  When  finally  I dared  to  accept  literally  the 
passages  I had  passed  by  hitherto,  because  they  seemed 
“ Catholic,”  then  one  instantly  illumined  the  other,  one 
seemed  to  build  upon  the  other,  until  they  formed  a per- 
fect structure  of  teaching,  with  not  a single  stone  miss- 
ing; the  whole  built  on  the  foundation  laid  by  the  Lord 
in  Matt.  xvi.  18,  19. 

By  placing  myself  decidedly  and  unreservedly  on  this 
word  of  the  Lord,  many  difficulties  disappeared : I no 
longer  took  offence  at  “ the  rock  Peter ;”  at  the  author- 
ity to  bind  and  to  loose,  as  the  Church  exercises  it;  nor 
the  “ infallible  chair  of  teaching  ” against  which  the  gates 
of  hell  should  not  prevail;  this  chair  of  teaching  which 
had  been  assured  the  assistance  and  guidance  of  the  Holy 
Ghost  unto  the  end  of  time.  All  this  no  longer  repulsed 
me.  On  the  contrary,  I began  to  thank  God  for  having 
raised  a Lighthouse  among  the  constantly  changing  waves 
of  opinion,  built  upon  an  unshakeable  foundation  of  rock, 
firm  midst  the  wild  rocking  flight  of  phenomena.  Taking 
the  Bible  words  as  a whole,  it  became  clear  to  me  that  the 
Catholic  interpretation,  even  in  essential  points,  accords 
with  Scripture  more  exactly  and  more  strictly ; that  it 
throws  more  light  on  it  than  we  Protestants  do.  If 
anybody  had  said  this  to  me  two  years  ago,  I would  have 
pitied  him  for  being  so  fooled  and  defrauded.  So  little 
do  even  earnest,  highly  cultured  Protestants  know  the 
Catholic  Church  and  its  inner  life! 

The  ecclesiastical  treasure  of  oral  tradition  no  longer 
appeared  strange:  In  St.  John, chapter  xvi.,  we  read:  “ I 
have  yet  many  things  to  say  to  you : but  you  cannot  hear 
them  now.”  Likewise  in  the  twentieth  and  twenty-first 
chapters,  that  Jesus  before  His  Ascension  did  so  many 


My  Home-Coming 


IS 


things,  that  the  whole  world  would  not  be  able  to  contain 
all  the  books  that  should  be  written  about  them.  Where 
did  Jesus  deposit  this  treasure  for  further  use  and  trans- 
mission through  the  ages,  if  not  in  the  heart  and  spirit  of 
the  Apostles  ? This  in  no  way  contradicts  the  Gospel ; this 
oral  Apostolic  tradition  in  no  way  belittles  the  other 
heavenly  treasure,  the  New  Testament,  as  soon  as  it 
becomes  clear  that  the  Bible  was  not  the  foundation  but 
a document  of  the  early  Church.  In  the  beginning  the 
Church  had  not  the  New  Testament  to  depend  on,  for 
it  was  not  written,  yet  she  “ continued  in  the  doctrine 
of  the  Apostles,”  according  to  the  command  of  the  Lord. 
If  the  Apostolic  Church,  in  virtue  of  her  own  tradition 
and  authority , had  not  subscribed  to  and  acknowledged 
as  inspired  the  documents  of  the  New  Testament  when 
they  appeared  in  her  midst , and  if  she  had  not  received 
them  into  the  canon  of  the  Bible,  how  could  we  now 
have  them ? Whoever  regards  the  Bible  as  the  infallible 
word  of  God,  knowingly  or  unknowingly  stands  with  the 
Catholic  Church. 

Formerly  I looked  with  suspicion  upon  the  Church’s 
interpretation  of  the  Bible.  Now  I had  the  desire  and 
the  courage  to  study  it.  And  I did  so  after  more  than 
forty  years  of  previous  Scripture  study,  in  which  I had 
had  the  advantage  of  intercourse  with  theologians  and 
lay  students  both  native  and  foreign.  I found  the  ex- 
planation of  the  Church  illuminated  wonderfully  the 
very  passages  which  in  spite  of  all  efforts  in  the  past  had 
remained  obscure  to  me.  I heartily  submitted  my  reason 
to  the  old  Fathers  of  the  Church  and  their  heirs  and 
successors. 

I was  much  impressed  by  the  fact  that  our  popular  rep- 
resentation of  the  Catholic  doctrine  in  regard  to  “ good 


14 


My  Home-Coming 


works  ” was  quite  misleading,  and  absolutely  not  Cath- 
olic. The  Catholic  Church  defined  this  matter  clearly 
and  concisely  at  the  Council  of  Trent.  In  the  official  de- 
cisions of  this  Council,  I found  the  justification  of  man, 
through  the  grace  of  Jesus  Christ , set  forth  with  a plain- 
ness and  depth  which  could  not  possibly  be  more  evangel- 
ical than  it  is.  The  same  doctrine  is  repeated  in  the 
somewhat  abridged  Catholic  catechism.  According  to  the 
said  Council:  “ If  anyone  say  that  man  can  be  justified  in 
the  sight  of  God  through  his  works,  whether  it  be  by  the 
power  of  human  nature  or  according  to  the  teaching  of 
the  law,  but  without  the  divine  grace  through  Jesus 
Christ : let  him  be  anathema.”  Good  works,  according  to 
the  doctrine  of  the  Church,  are  only  possible  when  in  a 
state  of  grace,  and  even  then  only  and  solely  in  union  with 
the  merits  of  the  suffering  of  Christ , Who  on  the  tree  of 
the  Cross  obtained  justification  for  us  and  made  atone- 
ment to  God  the  Father  for  us  (Council  of  Trent). 
Through  this  union  with  the  suffering  of  Christ  the  many 
encouraging  words  of  Jesus  as  to  reward  for  every  good 
work,  and  for  every  suffering  for  the  sake  of  His  name, 
also  came  really  in  force.  These  words  of  Jesus  always 
came  to  their  full  right  in  the  Catholic  Church. 

For  anybody  who  is  not  living  in  a state  of  grace, 
that  is,  who  by  mortal  sin  or  disbelief  is  separated  from 
God,  there  is  absolutely  no  good  work  by  which  he  can 
gain  heaven,  so  long  as  this  unhappy  state  lasts.  On  the 
other  hand,  according  to  Catholic  doctrine,  perfect  re- 
pentance can  lead  the  soul  back  to  union  with  God,  that  is, 
a repentance  and  sorrow  for  sins  committed  based  on 
love  of  God.  Such  perfect  repentance  opens  again  all  the 
gates  of  grace,  perfectly  cleanses  even  the  greatest  sin- 
ner, as  it  did  the  thief  on  the  cross,  and  gives  him  access 


My  Home-Coming 


15 


to  heaven.  Therefore  the  faithful  endeavor  of  the  pastor 
is  to  reestablish  the  state  of  grace,  to  open  the  way  of 
God  to  the  sinner’s  heart,  and  to  preserve  communion 
with  Him  inviolate,  and  he  is  most  happy  to  give  absolu- 
tion when  he  finds  signs  of  repentance.  Can  anything 
more  truly  in  the  Gospel  spirit  be  imagined? 

But  was  not  the  confessional  a place  full  of  moral 
dangers,  full  of  abused  priestly  dominion  on  one  side, 
full  of  atrocious  sinning  against  the  mercy  of  God  on 
the  other?  I must  confess  I had  constantly  and  unhes- 
itatingly believed  all  the  evil  I had  heard  of  it.  Now  as 
I read  Catholic  instructions  for  confession,  I found 
the  earnest  admonition : “ He  who  confesses  with- 

out true  repentance  or  without  earnest  purpose  and  re- 
solve to  improve  his  life,  he  who  will  not  avoid  the 
approximate  occasion  of  sin,  as  far  as  it  is  in  his  power, 
etc.,  receives  the  Sacrament  of  Penance  in  vain , and  in- 
stead of  getting  his  sins  forgiven  by  the  absolution  of 
the  priest,  he  becomes  still  more  guilty  of  punishment  in 
the  sight  of  God,  and  commits  a sacrilege.”  Such  is  the 
earnest  language  of  the  books  of  instruction.  Auricular 
confession  provided  me  with  a reasonable  and  satisfac- 
tory meaning  of  the  words  of  Jesus:  “Whose  sins  you 
shall  forgive  they  are  forgiven  them : and  whose  sins 
you  shall  retain,  they  are  retained.”  By  the  auricular  con- 
fession the  priest  is  made  capable  of  pronouncing  a just 
verdict  on  the  state  of  the  sinner.  Without  auricular 
confession  this  is  impossible,  and  absolution  would  have 
to  be  given  according  to  humor  and  haphazard.  Without 
it  how  could  the  priest  judge  of  the  repentant  or  unre- 
pentant disposition?  So  I had  to  admit  that  confession 
was  in  itself  sacred  and  earnest.  If  it  was,  or  is  crimin- 
ally abused,  those  who  do  so  commit  a horrible  sacrilege. 


i6 


My  Home-Coming 


I now  saw  in  auricular  confession  a wonderful,  new,  life- 
giving  sacrament,  full  of  grace,  a sacrament  the  sanctity 
and  inviolability  of  which  was  sealed  with  the  martyr 
blood  of  the  unbreakable  secret  of  confession.  Millions 
of  souls  have  found  consolation  and  re-birth  in  the  Lord 
in  this  divine  institution.  Why  were  we  deprived  of  this 
consolation  ? 

I read  discussions  on  indulgences,  a word  so  abhorred 
by  Protestants,  a word  which  in  spite  of  explanations 
always  left  us  with  the  impression:  “ Absolution  for 

money/’  And  what  did  I find?  I found  that  indul- 
gences have  nothing  to  do  with  absolution,  and  far  less 
with  absolution  for  money.  Indulgences  do  not  wipe  out 
any  sins , not  a single  one,  not  even  the  very  least.  In- 
dulgences simply  annul,  entirely  or  in  part,  the  temporal 
punishment  which  is  a consequence  of  the  sin.  But  even 
the  temporal  punishment  cannot  be  annulled  until  its 
cause,  the  sins  committed  are  sincerely  repented  of,  con- 
fessed and  forgiven.  Indulgences  do  not  detract  from  the 
merit  of  Christ.  On  the  contrary,  in  indulgences  the  aton - 
ing  sufferings  of  Christ  are  substituted  for  the  atoning 
punishments.  Since  the  Church,  in  virtue  of  her  author- 
ity to  bind  and  to  loose,  can  forgive  mortal  sins,  then 
surely  she  may  dare,  in  the  name  of  Jesus,  to  take  away 
the  punishment  of  sin  as  did  also  the  Apostle  Paul  to  a 
sinner  in  Corinth  (i  Cor.  v.  3-5;  2 Cor.  ii.  5-1 1). 

What  the  Church  Fathers  and  the  pious  Christians  in 
the  Middle  Ages  considered  the  greatest  blessing  I also, 
learned  to  know  and  treasure  as  a gift  of  God.  Now 
I could  understand  how  St.  Francis  of  Assisi  could  im- 
plore the  Saviour  and  the  Pope  for  a great  indulgence 
for  his  little  flock  as  the  fulfilling  of  the  deepest  longing 
of  his  heart.  This  favorite  of  Jesus  knew  what  he 


My  Home-Coming 


1 7 


did.  This  spiritual  good  can  surely  be  abused ; but  the 
best  things  can  always  be  abused,  and  unfortunately  are 
so  abused.  But  such  abuse  the  Church  has  never  coun- 
tenanced. She  has  worked  against  it  always.  The 
Council  of  Trent  emphatically  forbids  the  misuse  of 
indulgences,  but  their  pious  use  it  retains  as  a rich  treas- 
ure of  grace  in  the  Church.  The  Church  never  has 
ceased  to  encourage  the  faithful  to  gain  indulgences 
which  are  obtainable  for  all,  even  the  poorest.  This  prac- 
tice is  still  in  full  vigor  in  the  whole  Church.  The  con- 
ditions laid  down  by  the  Church  for  gaining  an  indul- 
gence is  first  of  all  the  soul’s  interior  state  of  repentance, 
next  some  outward  penance,  such  as  visits  to  a church, 
pilgrimages,  prayers  or  alms.  The  outward  penance 
alone,  however,  does  not  suffice,  it  must  be  inspired  by 
the  right  inward  disposition,  and  absolution  always  must 
precede  it.  In  my  studies  I searched  the  teaching  of  the 
Church  in  the  Middle  Ages,  as  well  as  at  the  present  time, 
concerning  indulgences.  The  more  I studied  the  more 
clearly  I saw  that  all  the  talk  of  selling  absolution  for 
money  rests  on  an  absurdity. 

The  most  consoling  words  in  the  prayers  of  indulgence 
were  these : “ Can  be  applied  to  the  souls  in  purgatory.” 
By  this  is  meant  those  believing  souls  who  departed  the 
life  of  earth  in  the  grace  of  God,  but  who  do  not  yet  enjoy 
the  beatific  vision,  because  slight  spots  still  stain  them,  so 
that  in  the  sight  of  God  they  are  not  clean.  Nothing 
unclean  can  enter  heaven,  so  the  last  farthing  must  be 
paid.  As  long  as  it  is  not,  the  glowing  longing  and  home- 
sickness of  these  souls  for  the  face  of  God  cannot  be 
satisfied.  They  wait  and  pray  and  are  purified  “ as 
though  by  fire.”  This  purification  can  be  shortened  by 
the  loving  intercession  of  the  living;  thereby  the  suffering 


i8 


My  Home-Coming 


of  these  helpless  souls  is  eased  and  shortened,  until  at 
last,  pure  as  angels,  they  fly  to  the  vision  of  the  thrice 
Holy  One.  I soon  heartily  wished  I might  dare  also  to 
pray  for  them.  Now  I understand  why  once  a Protestant 
said  to  me  that  the  difference  in  confessions  of  faith  is 
simply  this : “ The  Catholics  believe  more  than  we  do.” 

I had  long  combated  the  proposition  that  those  who  in 
life  had  loved  Jesus,  and  had  died  believing  in  Him, 
should  still  suffer  anything  after  death.  I consulted  a 
priest  about  it  and  he  asked  me:  “When  you  consider 
the  sufferings  of  Jesus  for  the  whole  world,  do  you  really 
think  it  is  too  much  that  those  whom  He  calls  His 
should  keep  Him  a little  company  in  suffering,  and  that 
all  the  more,  since  He  has  redeemed  them  from  everlast- 
ing pain?  And  can’t  you  well  imagine  that  the  state  of 
the  highest  love  also  can  be  that  of  the  highest  suffer- 
ing? ” This  side  of  the  matter  I had  never  thought  of: 
Suffering  of  purification.  . ..O  profound  secret!  Waiting 
time  for  God’s  children  similar  to  the  waiting  time  in 
Limbo  of  our  forefathers  of  old,  because  only  the  per- 
fectly clean  can  enter  heaven.  I said  no  more. 

The  more  I understood  of  the  spiritual  harmony  of 
Catholic  teaching,  its  perfect  agreement  with  the  inmost 
spirit  of  the  Bible,  the  more  I found  myself  at  home  in 
Catholic  churches,  which  stand  open  for  all  and  every- 
body. I was  no  longer  afraid  that  this  would  be  disloyal 
to  Christ,  for  was  not  eternal  adoration  offered  to  Him 
there.  With  gratefulness  and  love  I exposed  myself  to 
all  the  streams  of  grace,  and  shared  in  the  holy  Mass 
with  the  congregation  in  worshipping  silence.  The  de- 
votion of  all  centred  around  the  Sacrifice  of  the  Altar. 
Everybody  followed  the  well-known  course  of  the  Mass, 
and  understood  the  significance  of  every  act.  All  knew 


My  Home-Coming 


19 


the  meaning  of  the  consecration  of  the  bread  and  wine. 
All  knew  what  the  little  bell  announced,  without  any 
audible  word  being  needed.  All  bent  the  knee : “ The 
Lord  is  in  His  holy  temple : for  Him  the  whole  earth  is 
silent.  . . . ” 

This  ever-renewed  Sacrifice  had  been  represented  to 
us  as  a daily  recurring  cruelty.  Now  through  my  own 
experience,  I found  it  a continued  love  feast,  at  which 
Jesus’  bloody  offering,  accomplished  once  for  all  on  Cal- 
vary, was  renewed  and  made  present  to  all  believers  a 
thousand  times  daily  over  the  circle  of  the  globe  “ in  re- 
membrance of  Him.”  After  knowing  this  exalted  serv- 
ice, I could  not  think  of  any  more  perfect  service  to  God 
than  this : to  offer  to  God  the  only  true  Sacrifice  of  the 
New  Testament,  and  every  morning  to  repeat  the  words : 
“ Behold  the  Lamb  of  God,  Who  taketh  away  the  sins  of 
the  world !”....  Once  I saw  the  Holy  Sacrifice  of  the 
Mass  offered  at  once  on  six  or  seven  different  altars. 
Only  the  low  voices  of  the  priests  could  be  heard,  but 
it  was  as  if  the  presence  of  God  passed  by  through  the 
Church.  It  could  not  be  denied.  One  could  not  kick 
against  the  goad.  Oh,  what  a sin,  to  have  taken  the  sa- 
cred Mass  from  us ! Why,  oh,  why  was  it  done  ? 

From  what  one  reads  and  hears  among  Protestants 
regarding  Catholic  cultus,  particularly  the  worship  of 
saints,  one  is  persuaded  that  Catholics  dismiss  Jesus 
Christ  in  favor  of  Mary  and  the  saints.  I was  of  this 
opinion.  I felt  it  my  duty  to  examine  more  closely 
this  article  of  faith It  is  true  that  Catholics  heart- 

ily and  highly  revere  all  saints,  and  Mary  most  of  all. 
But  is  there  anything  wrong  in  this?  I went  to  the  bot- 
tom of  the  matter,  and  I found  that  the  position  of  Catho- 
lics in  this  was  blameless  both  in  teaching  and  in  practise. 


20 


My  Home-Coming 


The  reverence  they  show  to  the  blessed  Mary  and  the 
saints  has  its  root  in  the  excellencies  and  gifts  of  grace 
wherewith  God  Himself  has  enriched  these  His  faithful 
servants.  For  the  sake  of  God  the  saints  are  honored, 
particularly  Mary,  because  she  is  that  “ blessed  amongst 
women”  of  whom  Jesus  was  born.  Like  all  other  crea- 
tures, they  are  nothing  by  themselves ; they  can  do  noth- 
ing by  themselves.  All  their  glory,  all  their  power  they 
have  from  God,  as  the  moon  receives  its  brightness  from 
the  sun.  They  are  honored  as  intercessors  and  examples. 
Like  St.  Paul  they  say  to  us : “ Be  ye  followers  of  me 
as  I also  am  of  Christ.” 

Wherever  I observed  this  practice  I found  no  trace  of 
idolatry,  neither  in  the  reverence  paid  to  the  blessed 
Mary,  nor  in  the  devotion  to  the  other  saints.  In  their 
catechism  both  children  and  adults  are  taught  what  wor- 
ship is,  and  that  it  belongs  solely  to  God ; that  the  angels 
and  saints  with  us  fall  down  and  worship  profoundly  and 
reverently  before  the  throne  of  God,  just  as  the  prophets 
of  the  Old  Testament,  and  St.  John’s  revelation  tell  us. 
I had  to  admit  to  myself : If  we  Protestants  in  our  life 
of  prayer  had  exercised  the  real  worship  of  God , we 
would  hardly  maintain  the  untrue,  trivial  and  quite  un- 
reasonable charge — that  Catholics  “ worship  the  Saints.” 
which  they  never  have  done.  We  should  be  ashamed  of 
our  ignorance.  One  needs  only  to  be  present  at  these 
hearty  alternate  prayers  called  litanies  to  note  the  infinite 
difference  between  the  prayer  which  Catholics  address  to 
God,  and  their  invocations  for  the  intercession  of  the 

saints  with  God A Protestant  gentleman  once  saw 

an  old  woman  kneeling  before  an  image  of  Mary,  and 
asked  her:  “ Is  it  not  so,  little  mother,  you  are  worship- 
ping the  holy  Virgin?”  The  woman  was  silent.  The 


My  Home-Coming 


21 


gentleman  repeated  his  question,  but  the  woman  still  re- 
mained silent,  until  the  man  asked  the  question  a third 
time.  Then  she  looked  at  him  saying:  “ You  are  per- 
haps insane,  sir ! ” 

The  devotion  to  the  saints  is  age  old.  It  arose  with  the 
earliest  blood  witnesses  of  the  Church.  Historic  sources 
assure  us  that  the  first  Christians  carefully  watched  the 
bones  of  the  Apostles  and  martyrs  and  honored  them, 
raising  their  altars  over  them.  What  reverence  they 
showed  these  faithful  servants  of  Christ  who  had  fallen 
asleep  in  the  Lord ! How  urgently  they  asked  their 
prayers  for  strength ! That  could  not  be  sin.  There 
could  only  be  blessing  in  that.  The  Catholic  catechism 
says  this  is  right  and  salutary,  and  it  now  seemed  to 
me  a privilege  for  God’s  children  to  be  permitted  to  be- 
come familiar  friends  with  those  whose  fellow-citizens 
and  housemates  they  shall  be  in  all  eternity  in  the  king- 
dom of  their  Father. 

I had  honestly  to  admit  that  all  the  honor,  love  and 
confidence  shown  to  the  gracious  Virgin  Mary,  cannot 
touch  the  honor  which  God  Himself  has  shown  her,  in 
making  her  the  Mother  of  His  only-begotten  Son,  the 
Saviour  of  the  world.  When  at  evening  the  churches 
again  filled  with  the  faithful  for  the  recitation  of  the  lit- 
anies, for  the  Rosary,  for  the  Exposition  of  the  most 
Holy  Sacrament ; when  I thought  of  how  the  vesper 
hymns,  the  choir  prayers,  the  unceasing  service  of  God, 
from  hour  to  hour,  from  minute  to  minute,  formed  a con- 
tinuous chain  of  worship  encircling  the  globe,  I seemed 
to  see  fulfilled  the  words  of  the  prophet : “ Upon  thy 

walls,  O Jerusalem,  I have  appointed  watchmen. 

till  He  make  Jerusalem  a praise  in  the  earth  ” (Is.  lxii. 

6,  7)- 


22 


My  Home-Coming 


I followed  every  word,  I noted  their  meaning,  and  then 
they  ceased  to  be  a senseless  repetition,  and  I saw  clearly 
that  between  the  Church  of  Christ  and  that  of  St.  Peter 
there  is  absolutely  no  contradiction. 

All  this  I absorbed,  not  at  once,  but  little  by  little.  I 
had  a hard  struggle  with  myself,  with  all  my  deeply 
rooted  ideas,  and  also  with  the  fear  lest  I might  go 
astray  from  the  truth,  and  follow  the  wrong  road.  The 
burning  of  heretics,  the  Inquisition,  the  Night  of  St. 
Bartholomew,  the  persecution  . of  the  Waldensians,  in 
short  the  historic  behavior  of  the  Church  towards  her- 
etics, stood  as  an  insurmountable  obstacle  between  Prot- 
estant and  Catholic.  Up  to  this  time  I knew  history  only 
from  the  Protestant  side,  but  after  studying  these  things 
as  presented  by  impartial,  uninfluenced  historical  critics, 
I found  that  much  must  be  ascribed  to  the  sanguinary 
times.  I was  glad  to  discover  that  some  Protestant 
writers  of  history  had  had  their  eyes  opened  to  the  de- 
mands of  justice.  A short  excursion  into  historical 
works  suffices  to  show  that  our  histories  will  need  much 
more  revision  before  justice  is  done  to  truth.  But  who- 
ever undertakes  to  weed  the  field  of  history  must  be  first 
familiar  with  Catholic  doctrines.  Without  full  knowl- 
edge of  the  Church’s  teaching  he  will  not  succeed. 
Moreover,  I saw  that  any  degeneracy  in  the  Catholic 
Church  is  severely  punished  by  the  chastising  rod  of 
the  Lord,  which  seemed  to  confirm  the  words  of  Scrip- 
ture, that  “ the  judgment  begins  in  the  house  of  God.” 

Exceedingly  great  gifts  of  grace  bring  with  them  cor- 
respondingly great  obligations.  Truly  great  is  the  au- 
thority which  Jesus  Christ  has  intrusted  to  the  priesthood 
of  His  Church ; this  great  authority  imposes  the  greatest 
responsibility . Every  Judas  who  has  been  false  to  his 


My  Home-Coming  23 

responsibilities,  has  brought  upon  the  Church  God’s  pun- 
ishment of  schism  and  apostasy  and  persecution.  The 
Catholic  writings  which  I read,  particularly  the  biogra- 
phies of  holy  persons,  did  not  attempt  to  veil  the  sins 
of  unworthy  priests,  but  presented  their  terrible  crimes 
in  all  their  naked  truth.  But  in  justice  to  truth,  they 
also  pointed  out  the  bright  light  which  shined  continually 
from  a worthy  priesthood.  The  Church  never  has  lacked 
worthy  priests.  The  weeds  have  never  entirely  choked 
the  good  seed. 

I overlooked  nothing  in  my  historic  studies.  The  un- 
chastity and  simony  which  once  had  infested  the  clergy 
of  the  Church,  even  those  in  the  highest  positions,  were 
to  me  a sufficient  explanation  of  the  great  apostasy  which 
then  occurred.  But  I asked  myself : Did  this  human 
wretchedness  in  high  places  justify  rebellion  against  the 
Church,  and  separation  from  her?  In  weighing  this 
question  the  word  of  Our  Lord  about  the  tares  among 
the  wheat  came  to  me.  The  disciples  wanted  to  weed  out 
the  tares.  But  Jesus  said:  “ No,  lest  you  pull  also  the 
wheat  with  it.  Let  them  grow  both  together  until  the 

harvest ” Jesus  plainly  foresaw  and  predicted  the 

presence  of  tares  among  the  wheat  in  the  field  of  the 
Church.  The  complete  cleansing  shall  not  take  place 
until  the  day  of  judgment.  Therefore  nobody  is  permit- 
ted to  step  out  of  the  community  of  the  Church.  Jesus 
Himself  selected  frail  men  to  be  His  disciples.  So  frail 
that  they  all  left  Him  on  the  night  of  His  Passion.  In 
spite  of  this  He  did  not  abandon  them.  There  was  even  a 
Judas  among  them,  a Judas  who  betrayed  Him,  and  yet 
he  was  tolerated  by  Jesus,  Who  gave  him  His  love  to 
the  end : “ Friend,  wherefore  art  thou  come?  ” Peter  de- 
nied the  Lord  and  yet  retained  his  dignity.  The  Lord 


24 


My  Home-Coming 


did  not  withdraw  His  promises  from  him , but  expressly 
confirmed  them  after  His  Resurrection  (John  xxi.  15-17). 

The  Church  is  and  remains  the  Church  of  Christ  in  spite 
of  all  human  frailties.  If  the  Church,  if  the  rock  of  Peter 
were  human  work,  she  would  have  disappeared  long  ago 
from  the  earth.  The  Church  has  gone  through  terrible, 
critical  times.  More  than  once  it  seemed  to  the  human 
observer  that  the  gates  of  hell  would  overwhelm  her.  It 
was  as  if  the  Lord  was  asleep,  and  the  ship  of  the  Church 
seemed  about  to  be  submerged  in  the  waves.  But  the  in- 
finitely faithful  Lord  Jesus  was  always,  though  invisibly, 
present  on  the  vessel  of  His  Church.  Therefore  she  could 
not,  and  never  can,  go  under.  Therefore  her  teaching  con- 
tinues unchanged;  therefore  the  Apostolic  succession  in 
the  priestly  office  is  never  interrupted ; therefore  the  Lord 
provides  saints  in  all  ages  in  the  Church  to  show  that 
the  power  of  the  Church  is  not  exhausted,  but  that  the 
divine  life  is  pulsating  in  her  arteries  at  all  times.  The 
sacramental  streams  of  grace  are  never  dried  up.  Jesus 
Himself  is  present  in  the  Most  Holy  Sacrament,  and  the 
Holy  Ghost  is  the  hidden  life  principle  of  the  Church. 
Therefore  the  Church  has  ever  had  within  her  the  power 
to  renew  and  reform  herself  without  having  to  recede 
from  the  path  of  truth  a hair’s  breadth.  She  is  built 
on  the  rock.  The  gates  of  hell  cannot  prevail  against 
her;  Jesus  is  with  her.  Therefore  she  outlives  storm  and 
flood  until  the  last  day.  Jesus  Christ  is  the  life  of  the 
Church.  Jesus  Christ  ever  present  in  her.  Once  recog- 
nized as  the  only  Apostolic  Church,  which  Jesus  Christ 
Himself  established  on  earth  as  a visible  unity,  equipped 
with  His  office  of  teacher,  pastor,  priest,  one  cannot 
do  otherwise  than  to  follow  her,  to  hear  her,  to  be  a liv- 
ing member  of  her! 


My  Home-Coming 


25 


Eleven  years  after  he  put  his  thesis  on  the  church 
door  of  Wittenberg,  Luther  gave  a memorable  testimony 

which  I will  quote  here.  He  said:  “ That  in  the 

Popedom  is  found  the  true  holy  Scripture,  the  true  bap- 
tism, the  true  Communion  of  the  Altar,  the  true  keys  for 
the  forgiving  of  sins,  the  true  office  of  teaching,  the  true 

catechism ,”  and  he  continues:  “ I say,  that  under 

the  Pope  is  found  the  true  Christianity,  yes,  the  best  and 
most  superior  Christianity  (der  rechte  Ausbund  der 
Christenheit)  and  many  pious  and  great  saints.”  Then 
Luther  himself  drew  the  logical  sequence  of  his  words, 
adding : “Accordingly,  if  under  the  Pope  is  the  true  Chris- 
tianity, then  this  Church  truly  must  be  the  member  and 
body  of  Christ.  If  she  is  the  body  of  Christ  then  she  has 
the  true  spirit,  the  true  Gospel,  the  true  faith,  baptism, 
Sacrament,  key,  office  of  preaching,  holy  Scripture,  and 
all  that  Christianity  shall  have.” 

One  could  not  say  more  than  Luther  here  says  himself. 
For  me  this  confirmation  was  superfluous.  For  me  the 
day  had  come  when  I saw  plainly  what  I had  to  do.  If  I 
would  be  truly  evangelical , so  truly  must  I return  home 
to  the  Mother  Church,  the  Catholic  Church.  I wrote  down 
the  positive  position  of  faith  I had  gained  in  the  follow- 
ing words : 

Jesus  founded  one  Church  on  the  rock  Peter.  Peter 
and  the  Apostles  have  the  authority  to  bind  and  to  loose. 
Jesus  promised  that  He  would  remain  with  this,  His 
Church,  until  the  end.  To  this  Church  He  has  given 
His  Holy  Ghost,  Whom  He  sent  from  the  Father.  The 
gates  of  hell  shall  not  prevail  against  her.  This  Church 
on  the  rock  is  the  visible  image  of  His  kingdom , which 
certainly  is  not  of  this  world,  but  yet  stands  in  the  midst 
of  the  world  as  the  pillar  and  foundation  of  truth.  Her 


26 


My  Home-Coming 


teaching  is  continually  the  same  from  the  Apostles’  unto 
the  present  day.  The  Church  has  this  treasure  in  earthly 
vessels;  fallible  men  perform  an  infallible  office — by  the 
power  of  God.  In  spite  of  fallible  men  the  doctrine  re- 
mains one,  holy  and  apostolic ; the  stream  of  grace  remains 
unweakened,  the  power  of  sanctification  unshaken, 
thanks  to  the  constant  assistance  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 
(The  infallible  office  of  teaching,  wherewith  Jesus  Christ 
has  endowed  His  Church  by  the  Holy  Ghost,  only  be- 
comes effective  when  the  Pope  as  the  supreme  ruler  of 
the  Church  pronounces  a verdict  in  matters  of  faith  and 
morals,  which  shall  be  binding  for  the  whole  Church,  ac- 
cording to  the  Bible  and  tradition.  By  such  a pontifical 
verdict,  with  or  without  a Church  council,  the  teaching 
of  the  Bible  or  tradition  is  declared  to  be  a binding 
dogma,  and  the  opposing  error  is  solemnly  condemned.) 
Now  I believe  that  besides  the  written  word  of  God, 
the  word  of  God  orally  transmitted  must  also  be  held 
sacred,  the  so-called  tradition , or  living  witness,  of  what 
Jesus  and  the  Apostles  taught,  since  all  was  not  taken 
down  and  written  in  the  Bible;  for  “ the  world  itself 
would  not  be  able  to  contain  the  books_that  should  be 
written.” 

This  tradition  also  ought  to  be  esteemed  equally  with 
the  Bible,  as  it  is  in  the  same  degree  the  revealed  word  of 
God.  Christ  has  given  to  His  one  and  only  Church  the 
office  of  teacher  to  instruct,  of  pastor  to  guide,  of  priest 
to  offer  sacrifice  and  provide  the  streams  of  grace,  the 
seven  holy  sacraments,  of  which  the  greatest  is  the  Sacra- 
ment of  the  Eucharist  in  the  holy  Sacrifice  of  the  Mass. 
At  the  word  of  every  ordained  priest,  Jesus  becomes 
verily  and  truly  present  on  the  altar  under  the  form  of 
bread  and  wine. 


My  Home-Coming 


27 


I bend  my  reason  under  the  obedience  of  Christ , that 
is : under  that  of  the  Church.  I hold  to  the  words  of 
Jesus : “ He  who  hears  you,  hears  Me,”  and  this  to 
Peter : “ Feed  my  lambs,  Feed  my  sheep.”  The  bishops 
govern  the  Church  of  God,  “ by  the  Holy  Ghost.”  I 
therefore  acknowledge  the  bishops,  with  the  Pope  at  their 
head,  as  the  shepherds  ordained  by  God,  as  the  God-given 
guides  in  the  way  of  truth. 

The  Church  consists  of  three  parts : the  transfigured 
in  heaven  form  the  Triumphant  Church;  the  poor  souls 
in  purgatory,  the  Suffering  Church,  while  the  faithful 
on  earth  are  called  the  Militant  Church.  These  three 
branches  are  in  hearty  and  actual  union.  They  form 
together  the  communion  of  saints , as  it  is  called  in  the 
apostolic  confession  of  faith.  When  this  was  clear  to  me 
my  way  was  plain.  I sought  and  found  a teacher,  a 
priest  of  the  Order  of  the  Dominicans,  who  con- 
firmed my  convictions,  and  revealed  to  me  further 
the  full  content  of  the  Church  with  greater  transparency 
and  clearness,  to  the  increase  of  my  joy  and  gratitude 
unto  the  present  hour.  After  a few  weeks  I made  the 
Catholic  confession  of  faith.  I confessed  my  sins  in  the 
holy  Sacrament  of  Penance,  and  washed  my  whole  life 
in  the  Blood  of  the  Lamb.  Then  I received  the  Lord 
Jesus  Himself  in  the  Most  Holy  Sacrament  of  the  Altar, 
and  the  strength  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  in  confirmation.  For 
months  I had  hungered  for  the  Bread  of  God  from  or- 
dained hands.  With  burning  longing  I had  watched  at 
Holy  Mass  the  Holy  Communion  given  to  the  faithful ! 
Now  I myself  am  one  of  the  happy  ones! 

What  the  blessed  have  in  heaven,  we  have  on  earth — 
only  they  are  in  bliss,  while  we  still  suffer — Jesus  Christ 
Himself.  He  remains  with  us  in  His  last  wonderful 


28 


My  Home-Coming 


testament  of  love  to  His  disciples.  He  would  not  leave 
them  orphans.  In  the  most  lowly  form,  in  the  white  Host- 
He  hides  Himself,  flesh  and  blood,  body  and  soul,  divinity 
and  manhood.  We  draw  near  to  Him  with  longing  love. 
Everything  is  for  His  service.  Because  of  His  presence 
our  churches  truly  and  literally  are  God's  house.  For 
Him  we  adorn  the  altar.  For  Him  the  candles  burn. 
For  Him  the  glorious  cathedrals  point  their  spires  toward 
heaven.  For  Him  the  bells  chime.  For  Him  the  choirs 
sing.  The  religious  art  is  in  His  service.  Before  His 
Majesty  the  faithful  people  bow. 

The  strength  and  the  light  of  every  Catholic , the 
object  of  his  hymn  of  love  unto  death,  is  the  ever-present 
Jesus  in  the  Most  Holy  Sacrament. 

Rejoice,  O holy  Church,  for  Jesus  thy  God  and  Re- 
deemer is  ever  in  thy  midst ! 

This  is  how  I came  home  to  my  Mother,  the  Catholic 
Church.  I only  wonder  that  I was  not  always  in  her 
fold.  By  voluntary  obedience  I have  adapted  myself  to 
her  organic  order ; the  salutary  commandments  of  the 
Church  are  a joy  to  me;  I find  her  yoke  sweet  and  her 
burden  easy.  I have  lost  nothing:  not  liberty  of  con- 
science, not  the  Bible,  not  personal  responsibility  to  God, 
not  the  cross  of  Christ;  and  I have  gained  much.  So 
much  that  my  earthly  life  will  not  suffice  to  contain  it, 
to  appreciate  it,  to  thank  God  for  it. 

Many  misunderstandings  and  bitter  seed  should  fall 
away,  if  only  all  would  seek  the  truth  sincerely  and 
honestly  in  charity.  To  look  to  Christ  in  everything  was 
my  guiding  star,  and  I am  firmly  convinced  that  every 
Protestant,  faithful  to  the  Bible,  who  has  a good  will 
would  have  reached  the  same  results  as  I did,  if  he  had 
had  the  same  experiences  in  life.  Hundreds  of  others 


My  Home-Coming 


2C 


nave  gone  before  me,  who  for  the  sake  of  love  for  the 
Crucified  Jesus  sought  the  perfect  truth  and  “ tried  the 
spirits,  whether  they  were  of  God.”  Not  to  mention 
the  astonishingly  numerous  conversions  to  the  Catholic 
Church  in  England  and  America,  particularly  during  the 
last  ten  years,  I will  note  only  the  experiences  and  con- 
fessions of  our  northern  countrymen,  men  such  as  Over- 
beck, Stolberg,  Professor  Ruville  of  Halle,  the  Scandi- 
navian theologian,  Krogh-Tonning,  the  Danish  Pastor 
Jensen,  the  Swiss  de  la  Rive,  etc.  A common  feature 
of  all  these  men  is  their  strong  love  of  Christ,  their 
courage  and  purity  of  intention  in  their  confessions  and 
their  unselfishness.  I found  no  romance  in  them.  I 
am  glad  to  look  up  to  such  predecessors.1 

Usually  conversions  are  explained  on  the  assumption 
that  art-loving  or  weak  natures  easily  allow  themselves 
to  be  duped  or  blinded  by  the  splendor  of  the  Catholic 
worship.  A very  erronous  presumption.  For  my  part 
I confess  that  I was  perfectly  cold  to  the  splendors  of 
uhe  Catholic  Church,  so  long  as  I thought  her  an  institu- 
tion built  on  fraud ; her  splendor  rather  interfered  with 
than  promoted  my  spiritual  evolution.  Now,  that  I have 
found  the  truth  in  the  Catholic  Church,  her  beautiful 
ritual  has  become  beautiful  to  me  as  a due  tribute  of 
veneration  to  the  Most  Holy  Sacrament. 


1I  always  studied  the  religious  views  of  such  men  in  their  own 
writings,  these  alone  being  valuable.  The  dogmatic  side  of  my 
present  confessions  has  been  examined  by  proper  authority.  Be- 
sides dogmatic  sources,  I owe  much  to  Mohler’s  Symbolic  or  Dog- 
matic Oppositions  between  Catholics  and  Protestants  (Regensburg, 
Manz)  ; Wilmer’s  Kurzgefastes  Handbucli  der  Kathol.  Religion 
(Regensburg,  Pustet)  ; Schmitz’s  Erzveiterter  Kathol.  Katechismus 
(Regensburg,  Pustet).  Such  essentially  Catholic  manuals  carry 
the  bishop’s  imprimatur. 


30 


My  Home-Coming 


My  acquaintance  with  a Catholic  certainly  started  nr. 
in  my  study  of  the  Catholic  question.  But  this  was  not 
the  reason  of  my  conversion.  My  resolve  is  the  result 
and  fruit  of  long  struggles  in  the  personal  depths  of  my 
soul.  Through  these  struggles  I have  arrived  at  a clear 
and  firm  conviction,  and  I thank  the  Lord  for  it. 

Had  human  considerations  weighed  with  me  I could 
never  have  gone  over.  I would  be  still  where  I was. 
Nobody  knows  better  than  I the  rich  work  of  love  and 
humility  of  faithful  evangelical  Lutheran  Christians. 
Nobody  knows  better  than  I their  zeal  for  sanctification. 
Among  these  faithful  souls  was  cultivated  my  hunger 
for  truth,  my  longing  for  God,  my  love  for  Jesus,  until 
the  grace  of  God  guided  me  firmly  to  where  I now  stand. 
God  only  knows  what  I owe  to  the  dear  friends  who  have 
carried  me  in  their  prayers,  little  knowing  where  their 
intercession  would  bring  me.  My  friendly  feeling  for 
them  has  not  changed.  I send  them  the  greeting  of  an 
old  love  made  new.  May  God  Who  crowns  faithful- 
ness reward  them  for  all  they  have  been  to  me! 

May  these  words  serve  to  promote  peace  and  unity 
is  my  prayer  to  the  Lord.  But  even  if  we  do  not  per- 
haps arrive  at  unity  in  the  spirit  of  faith  here  on  earth,  a 
unity  for  which  the  Son  of  God  urgently  prayed  the 
Father  (John  xvii.),  then  at  least  let  us  in  charity  not 
judge  harshly,  let  us  as  disciples  of  the  Saviour  sincerely 
love  one  another  and  be  faithful  in  charity.  And  may 
we  all  sometime  be  united  in  the  bliss  of  heaven!  Jesus 
Christ,  yesterday  and  to-day  the  same,  and  in  all  eternity. 
Amen. 


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